I always think it must have been very difficult having a toddler in the Victorian era as certain classes were so repressed and so much behaviour was frowned on. Probably one of the reasons for the separate nursery with a nanny in the upper classes was that toddlers were only brought into public, or indeed in the presence of their parents, for short controlled periods of time where they were clean, not eating and were fully dressed to minimise any unpleasant public behaviour.

Thankfully we now live in a more accepting and realistic society that makes allowances for the fact that toddlers are not experts in etiquette. However, good manners are an important part of their development and slowly, gently and firmly you will need to explain the boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.

Toddlers enjoy lots of sensations, whether it be playing in sand, water or running on grass. Most psychologists today would agree that when toddlers play with their genitals it is simply because it feels pleasant and they are positively rewarded physiologically.

The main problem for parents is that it is embarrassing when a toddler plays with themselves in public. It often becomes more of a public problem when your toddler graduates from nappies to underpants and has easy access to their genitals. Some parents also worry that it is some kind of sexual deviance but it is pretty much universal toddler behaviour across cultures and genders because toddlers are not yet inhibited by social mores.

Try not to get too upset about your toddler’s explorations of her own body and gently let her know that ‘we keep our hands out of our underwear when we are at the shops’. If anyone has been to a nativity play at a nursery there is generally at least one shepherd with their hands inside their smock; such is the prevalence of this behaviour.

If you have family members who are particularly embarrassed when your toddler explores her body in this way, you can always choose clothes that make getting her hands into her underpants or knickers more difficult, such as dungarees or tights when these relatives visit.

Don’t be ashamed of your toddler and don’t make her feel ashamed or disgusted by her behaviour as this will confuse and upset her. With gentle distractions and reminders about public fiddling, this behaviour will soon become a past phase.

Toddlers are uninhibited because they are essentially egocentric and are not aware that they are being observed and judged. They also are not yet steeped in the cultural expectations about their bodies. Nose picking is considered unpleasant across most cultures as disgust at contagious bodily fluids like snot, vomit and faeces is an instinctive response.

However, if anyone has something stuck up their nose it’s very tempting to try and remove it. Adults learn to control it but toddlers will be very interested in their nostrils. Toddlers also sometimes go through a phase of putting things inside orifices such as their nose, their ears and in some cases their anus and/or vagina.

I’ve had to take my son to the accident and emergency once when he pushed a green pompom up his nose. I was reassured as an embarrassed parent to hear that this was a daily job of the ER staff as a nurse expertly removed the green pompom from my son’s left nostril with a pair of tweezers.

Toddlers are naturally curious and will explore their nostrils in the same way they might explore a burrow in the ground. Lots of nose picking can lead to bleeding and scabs so if your toddler is a dedicated nose picker you will need to try to teach them to blow their nose. However, even school children find this really hard to do so you will need to help your toddler to close a nostril and blow into a tissue until she can control the out breath through her nose.

Toddlers are language machines and any swearing they do is swearing they’ve heard. It can therefore, be mortifying if your toddler swears in public or in front of relatives. However, remember she are not being naughty, she is being a parrot.

Toddlers will copy words as part of learning to speak. If they hear swearing they will swear so remember that when someone annoys you whilst driving remain calm.

Although it is embarrassing when your toddler is unsociable or non-complying with requests for kisses and cuddles for extended family members, it is not fair to force her. Even at this early stage in life consent to kissing and cuddling is important and should be respected.

Your toddler may be going through a period of separation anxiety or increased fear of strangers. Forcing a fearful child to kiss a stranger on the lips or sit on their knee or play with them isn’t a fair request really. Sometimes your toddler will be happy to kiss or cuddle a relative but don’t turn it into a battle of wills as it will be more embarrassing and upsetting than simply telling your great aunt that your toddler is a bit shy of new people at the minute.

Being out and about with a toddler in public can be a little stressful when your toddler notices someone who looks different from other people. In the fairy tale of the ‘Emperor’s new clothes,’ it is no accident that the person who announced that the emperor was naked was a small child!

Toddlers have no idea about other people’s feelings so if they loudly announce ‘Why has that person got pink hair?’ they have no idea that a person might find it embarrassing to be singled out in public. In the same way, they do not feel disgusted or angry with ‘different’ people, they just notice them.

People who do stand out, whether it is because they have a facial disfigurement, or are an unusual size or shape, usually report that they have no problem with the brutal honesty of toddlers. Rather it’s the behaviour of adults and older children that they feel is cruel – people who should and do know better. How can a toddler be cruel when they are not motivated by malice at all?

The wonderful thing about children is actually their lack of judgement of different people. They may perceive a difference but they quickly accept it whether it is a child at their playgroup with a physical or mental disability, that child will just be Jack who has a wheelchair.

In your day-to-day chats with your toddler, you can explain that some people look different and that it is important to be kind and not say things like a person looks ‘funny’ as it will hurt their feelings. Over time children who are taught to think about other peoples’ feelings, will, in general, behave with kindness and understanding.